Strip-Cubs

I understand the concept behind publicity, I do. I work in the entertainment biz. But where is the line drawn between pushing your career in the publics face and sticking by your morals in order to be a respectable role model for the age bracket of your fan base?

Honestly, as with most things, I can see both sides of the spectrum. When Miley Cyrus did the cover of Vanity Fair, she was featured in nothing but a silk bed sheet (well, from what WE can see). I see the art in that photo. I think it's a beautiful capture by the highly credited, push-the-boundaries photographer, Annie Leibovitz. She's got that perfect, young, porcelain skin and that was the intended focal point. The way that the public reacted to this was unnecessarily harsh and critical. This girl is more successful than a vast majority of the overly caffeinated, post-menopausal, PTA member parents who tried to boycott Miley's television show, Hannah Montana. Those are the same parents who shelter their private school children to the point where instead of learning about society and the world for EVERYTHING it REALLY is, they're spending 6 hours a day playing "World of Warcraft" and trading "Magic the Gathering" cards. Sure, there are worse things those kids could be doing besides being deprived of vitamin D and melanin, but can you imagine going through life being ignorant to the planet that you breathe on? Side note: I WAS one of those sheltered kids with super strict parents and instead of tending to my Student Council assignments, I was blowing coke off the toilet paper dispensers in the high school bathroom so how's THAT for rebellion? Miley's Vanity Fair shoot was artfully tasteful in my opinion. Sure, she was 15 years old, but I'm pretty sure my mom has pictures of my nekkid buns (some things never change) at less than 1 year old and no one's boycotting my BLOG for THAT!

I really defended Miley. Poor girl used to live in the shadows of a man with THE BEST mullet of all time. But now, after Monday nights Teen Choice Awards show on FOX, I am really disappointed in my previous near picket-worthy defense over lil Miss Disney Queen.

So mini-Cyrus, I have some words for you:

WHY did you have to work the pole, girl?
WHY did you have to show your dumps like a truck truck truck and thighs like what what what?
You have made men all over the world over the age of 20 feel like level 3 sex offenders.
You have given your 53 year old stalker, Mark McLeod, a RAGING boner (if he can even pitch one anymore).

Listen, I am not going to sit here and bash strippers, because although you wouldn't catch me grindin' my purry kitten in the air and on the cold vertical steel no matter how spiked on meth I am (I do not do meth, yuck), I know that everyone gets a little "lost" in life. Thing is, this girl is a minor. She is sixfuckingteen years old. She works for the DISNEY channel. When I think of Disney, I think of animated cutesy films and clean and pure musically-influenced pre-teen obsessions. When you say the word DISNEY, I DO NOT immediately get the urge to go in my sock drawer, grab my blue thunder, and have "private time". This girl has millions of fans and most of them are kids. Kids who, in this day and age, desperately need positive role models and people they can relate to. They need celebrities that instill motivation to achieve their dreams which we can all collectively hope is NOT to become an exotic dancer. Why are we forgetting what sexiness really is? We get it Miley, you're growing up and you're sort've (but not really) attractive. But there can only be ONE Britney Spears.

Another unclean tween culprit is Vanessa Hudgens. Zac Efron needs to get his bitch in check and FAST. This is gross x19836 but if I were doing Mr. Efron, I'd be MORE than satisfied with his eyes being the only ones besides my gyno, to see my b-day sizuit. I feel like "Baby V" is one of those "try-too-hard-ers". She probably posted those n00ds herself. Did you see how bent she got when Dane Cook ripped on her at the Teen Choice Awards (Vanessa's manager forced FOX to edit the whole skit out before the show aired)? Makes me long for constant live television. Listen poster girl for premarital boning, keep your clothes on and shave your hootie please (can't tell me it doesn't get itchy in those skinny jeans).

Who is running Disney these days anyways? Ron Jeremy?