Someone needed to say it

Weening myself off of MTV

In the past month or so, I've decided to try and ween myself off of the ever so non-educational television channels such as MTV and VH1. Most people won't admit to being hooked on shows like "Paris Hilton's BFF" or "Daisy of Love" but I have no shame in confessing that I'm a full blown addict. And since they don't offer Reality Show Anonymous classes (yet, but I project that this will surface by 2011), I must use my inner willpower to decrease my dependency. I don't want to stop watching these shows all together; I actually enjoy them for their senselessly scripted, poorly casted content. I don't get upset that 30-60 minutes of my life are gone for good. I keep up on current events, politics, the economy, etc. I am a smart person. I am a college student. I feel like I owe it to myself to drift off to fake land for a bit. Truthfully, I prefer to watch Bret Michaels and his hair extensions continuously fail at finding love and making hit songs over being exposed to 48yr old child rapists on the channel 7 news. (Does anyone know if Mr. Michaels has a bandana endorsement?) After all, isn't television for entertainment purposes? Excuse me for not being entertained by Amber Alerts and people who cut fetuses out of pregnant women's stomachs (this actually did happen last week in Worcester, MA).

I am however, trying to expand my boob tube sessions to other programs (I stole that term from my grandmother). But this experiment has led me to watch things like Ace of Cakes, Intervention, shows on HGTV, Clean House, and random food shows. I'm probably never going to make wood molding for doors frames or a cake that looks like your favorite animal, and I'm certainly not addicted to meth-amphetamines...so what good am I REALLY doing?

Oh shit...I gotta run...16 and Pregnant is on :)

Oddities of the Gym Introduction

For those of you who know me, you know I spend 2 hours a day at the gym. And if you don't know me, now you know. My father owns a multi-thousand family apartment complex which has a resident gym inside, so I use that gym since it is free ninety nine (never understood why people say free.99 referring to something that is "free" when in reality that would make it 1 cent less than a dollar :/). Anyways, I am convince that the strangest human beings on the planet have congregated at this apartment complex, and the very weirdest of the weird use the gym. I will be blatantly honest here, because without making this point, a lot of my stories won't have the same effect...95% of the people who live there are Indian. Some of them speak fluent English and have relatively normal gym habits, but others, ohhh my calorie-burning deficient lord. I did not know this prior to working out at my dad's gym, but some Indians do not wear deodorant. I'm not being sarcastic or making a joke here (for once), they actually do not wear anti-perspirant. Please take a moment to sympathize with me here. The gym is very small. Not a lot of air flow. Get more than 2 people in there, sweating profusely, wearing NO deodorant. I have actually had to leave the gym for a bit because I thought I was going to hurl face. How in the world do you put up with your own stench of death? Like, hi, you smell like 47 rotting cattle corpses roasting in the desert sun, how is your work out going?

One time this guy came in, and left real quick. He came back in the gym with an aerosol can air freshener and literally sprayed behind the stinkers on the treadmills! This guy DGAF. He was my hero that day.

The reason I am making this a multiple part series is because I could go on for hours and hours about the things I witness at the gym that are so unbelievably hilare. Not to mention, new disasters are occurring almost on the daily. If you follow me on twitter (www.twitter.com/HeatherSkills), you probably read daily tweets that I post from the gym.

I'll most certainly get overly excited about some of these oddities that I will make video blogs, and I'll try and take sweet Blackberry spy pics. Man...this is gonna be good.

The FREAKIEST (non-sexual) dream I have ever had.

This morning I was woken up at 7:45am by two dudes putting in a new glass door to our deck directly outside of my window. I did my semi-typical (NEED to break out of this for good) eat breakfast and go back to sleep before the gym. Since these dudes were louder than a Cannibal Corpse concert, I went to my parents room to sleep (they were at work you perverts). I finally fall asleep after my kitten attempted to molest and batter me, and I crash HARD.

Now, I'm not sure if it is the fact that I wasn't sleeping in my own bed or maybe because I hadn't taken my Zoloft in three days (I have the memory of an 87yr old), but I had the FREAKIEST dream of my entire life...EVER.

The entire dream was me, at the same age I am now, looking through attics FULL of every toy, piece of apparel, school project, EVERYTHING I have ever owned in my life. And this dream was super vivid and realistic. I remember thinking in the dream that I KNEW my mother had gotten rid of all of this stuff so I was astonished at how I was finding this stash of my childhood. The things I "found" were things I would have never ever remembered in real life, so how the hell did my brain recall these objects in my sleep?

There were these little plastic sort've Lego (but not Lego brand) toy figurines that I used to have and you could get platforms for them. I had a space platform and a farm one. I even remember the space guy had orange hands! I had three My Little Pony's. Yellow, purple, and blue. I was picking up sneakers I used to wear when I was like, 9 years old. Pajama's I wore as a TODDLER. Literally tons of things that I would have never remembered in real life. I have absolutely no idea how my brain did this. But I woke up completely disoriented and shaking. I spent the first half of the day totally freaked out by this dream. I just don't get it.

Someone give me closure on this.

Ehh,,,that's enough thinking for me...now back to watching Ace of Cakes :/

Musicians!

I am now writing reviews, reporting, and interviewing bands/musicians/producers. All of my work is going to some real LEGIT interwebz places. I will be able to disclose of the places within the next week.

I thought I was only credited to write and interview for signed bands but I was informed today that I'm not limited to bands/musicians on labels. I am, however, expected to be choosy and have good discretion.

I will be writing reviews on albums and at shows. I will be conducting interviews (article style AND video) with bands and musicians at shows and other events. I'll be doing behind-the-scenes video footage.

If you are a solo musician or if you are a band and would like to be featured/have a review written/video made, do any work with the site at all, please contact me either here or at the following places:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=514351384

Email: HeatherPoitras1022@yahoo.com

Sorry Did-Man

Does anyone know what Sean Combs goes by these days? Based on his Twitter name, I'm going to assume "Diddy" is his current name. I'm still covering my ass just in case because I REALLY want to hang out on his yacht....someday.

My phobia's are dumb :/

One time I was watching Oprah (don't judge my 50 year old woman characteristics) and it was an episode about people trying to overcome their phobia's. They had a few people on the show who had VERY strange phobia's and I remember the weirdest one, by far, was a woman who was afraid of lettuce. Not that she just "didn't like it", she was PETRIFIED of these green leaves most commonly consumed by supermodels. They brought out a bowl of lettuce, and this bitch RAN off the stage BAWLING her eyes out and having a full-blown panic attack.

Last week I was watching that show "Obsessed" on A&E (after one of my fav b00b t00bage shows, Intervention), and this woman was afraid that her floor was going to collapse. Her fear led to her not putting any food in her refrigerator, buying any furniture, and she had selected tiles on her floor which she unglued so that she could periodically "check" the wood underneath to make sure it was stable.

These people make me feel less bad about having strange phobia's.

Remy is my seemingly FAS victim'd catface

Changing it up

Upon asking for advice from many many people via interwebbiez and real-lifers, it has been suggested to me to focus my blogging/media attention on EVERYTHING, and not just fashion. Although fashion is my favorite thing to write/talk about (and I will still heavily focus on fashion-related topics because it's just how my mind works), people are wanting to read/see more from me. This is flattering and semi-surprising at the same time. I am still writing and doing media content for fashion companies so if that is what you read my stuff for, I can certainly redirect you to those sites. For everyone else, I guess I am about to embark on a journey that is using to internet as a conveyer belt from my unique thoughts to your eyes and ears. I really REALLY hope you are all pleased with this decision and hope to not disappoint you!

Thank you for reading thus far and stay tuned for tons and tons of new, exciting, interesting content!

Keep being interactive and participating too! I love your feedback/comments!!!!

Uhh, you should probably keep being human.

Ok. Oooook. So the other night I was at a show watching my friends bands play when ever so suddenly a couple of females (I think) walk in wearing standard Hot Topic attire (see: bondage pants and Twilight shirts). But that my friends, is nothing. You can stumble across that every friday night at the movie theater or the local strip mall. What I saw when these two turned around was more than alarming. They were wearing...TAILS. TAAAIIIIIILLLLLLSSSSS. Not rat tails in the hair sense, not Tails the Sonic the Hedgehog character, but legitimate animal tails. I believe these were raccoon tails to be precise. I'm pretty sure that my friends and I collectively and simultaneously turned to each other with vivid looks of shock and confusion. Are these people? Real humans? Was this venue really a time warp back to B.C.? Were we on an episode of the Twilight Zone; Teen Wolf perhaps? Man, I almost wish it were one of those. Unfortunately, these were people finding acceptance in pretending to be less than 100% human.

My friends really wanted to get the scoop and ask these girls why they were wearing tails, but didn't want to offend them (yes, contrary to what goes on from my mind to my blogs, my friends and I are nice people). The great thing was that we were informed by our friend that his friend sent him a text, telling him that she asked the girls in the bathroom why they were wearing tails. According to the girl who asked, they got pretty peeved, but actually gave an informative answer. This was the answer she received: "It is a belief that humans take on animal form and vice versa." WHAT? WHAAAT? Have you ever heard something so bizarre and embarrassing that even though it is funny, you can't even laugh? This is what happened to me when I heard this.

So as my mind begins to break down this extremely abnormal concept (I have many of my own abnormal concepts but I am proud to announce I am secure in being 100% human), I think to myself "isn't this just a new age attempt at recreating evolution?" Think about it. They are pretending to morph from animals to humans. Like, are they extreme Darwinists or something? Putting a Darwinism Fish (the ones with the little leggies) on your car is one thing. Please, if you have strong beliefs, leave it at or around that. Like, we are already humans. It already happened. I'm sorry you don't like it, but it really isn't going to change. King Kong sort've tried already.

Unoriginal Bastards

http://youthoughtwewouldntnotice.com/blog3/

Sound Off!

While I'm not a big fan of this outfit, Rachel Bilson is doing this Phillip Lim number the most justice it can possibly get.

This photo was taken at the 3.1 Phillip Lim store's first year anniversary party in LA.

What do you all think?

SOUND OFF!

Rompers

This is a look that carried over from last summer to this summer. I still really like this look, although I will tell you this: if the fit isn't near perfect, it will look like crap. Another essential point to wearing a romper is a great choice of footwear. I really like pairing it with gladiator sandals, but if you're short, be sure to choose a style short enough to show off a lot of leg because the sandals can cut you off at the ankle and shorten you. A long, vintage-esque necklace and belt to cinch the waist polish the look off.

Find the look: http://www.shopstyle.com/browse?fts=romper

Canadian Tuxedo's

Oh Super Troopers, thank you not only for being an awesomely funny movie, but for also coining the term "Canadian tuxedo". To me, the weirdest thing about the Canadian tuxedo is that a pair of jeans is the EASIEST wardrobe piece to match. You can really match almost ANYTHING to a denim bottoms.. Yes, the wash of the denim is essential to matching your top, but no matter what, you can match jeans to something in your closet. So what is with the need to wear the SAME EXACT thing on the top as you are on the bottom?

Being that I am the type of person who has to delve deep and find a possible reason for everything, I am going to make a couple of guesses here. I feel like some people have an intense fear of not matching. Most likely the same people that have a paranoia that everyone is looking at the "funny". This "super-matching" is often commonly seen on ghetto-type guys, but I'll talk about that topic another time. Maybe they think blue is their best color, so they should drown themselves in it (pun fully intended)? Man, I am going to really start reaching here, so I'm just going to stop.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=canadian+tuxedo

Obama Defends His "Mom Jeans"

http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92832

Modesty Suits

Stumbled upon a REAL bizarre concept of swim wear today. I have to give the primary credit to my girl Sarah Morrison (http://thesarahmorrison.com/). Upon following her twitter, I saw her RT one of her followers great discoveries. Feast your eyes on the Modesty Suit, by Simply Modest. This is a line of swim wear that is seemingly run by Christians or another super religious group. I am not bashing peoples religious beliefs by any means but I AM bashing this aqua-rific monstrosity. There are SO many funny things I can say about these bathing SUITS (it is basically an actual business professional suit). Let's dig in, shall we?

First and foremost, Lycra is NEVER a flattering material on the human body. I like leggings, and a SOME Lycra in moderation but we're talking sleeves and all here. I mean Lycra covering every part of your body besides ankles/feet/hands. It is basically second skin. Explain to me how modest you can really be when you get a cold gust of wind stepping out of the pool and two diamonds are prime and ready to carve proverbs in glass. Conveniently enough, there are no photographs on their website of overweight people wearing the suits. Probably because the visual alone could send anyone to a Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome rehabilitation center.

Why is there a dress over the leggings? Are these people afraid of the camel-toe? Hmm...now that I think of it, I'm glad they made the dress cover the tang.

Here is a dilemma: what if someone is a legitimate swimmer and has to wear a Modesty Suit? The aerodynamics (or aquadynamics?) have clearly not been taken into account for anyone who may be trying to swim faster than a quadriplegic (sorry). I'm pretty sure there is at least a 27% chance of self-strangulation. Come to think of it, could these double as a straight-jacket?

www.modestswimwearsolutions.com

Intro to "No Offense" SO WEIRD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwIos3Jyzac

Carpenter Jeans

What the hell are carpenter jeans? Like, I feel like if this was 1904 I would get it. Before tool belts were made and dudes had to put their hammers and wrenches on them somewhere while climbing (I just guessed on that entire statement). I suppose it would be challenging to climb a ladder while holding onto a 20lb toolbox. So ok, I get the "point" of them. BUT over a hundred years later we are STILL SEEING CARPENTER JEANS. And in the past 50ish years they have made tool belts, preventing reason for wearing such bizarre shapes on your lower half (and providing much more stable holders for tools). My father is even too cool for these. My grandfriggenfather is even too cool for these. What does that say?

I do feel like the carpenter jean is most frequently seen on "dad types" and pseudo-gangsta white boys (whom also often commit the fashion crime of pairing these sweet denim pleasures with a nice camel-colored pair of Timberlands or other work boots). And also the occasional Texan saloon goer. Sadly, they can also be seen by women who have not open a magazine or gone into a mall (Wal-Mart is NOT a mall) in the past two decades.

Note the complete lack of shape on these jeans. I can almost feel the discomfort by looking at the photos. Most of these are considered to be a "relaxed" fit. But I'm having an anxiety attack.

No offense.

Brand offenders: Levi Strauss, Wrangler

If you suck, shop at:

Photo Right: www.tackroominc.com

Photo Left: www.outfitters.ca

And so it begins

I have decided that it is time to spread my feelings and opinions on fashion all around for the world to read. (Far worse things are spread around the world; far less enjoyable spreadable things.) This looks like a good place to do it. I have a tumblr account, but I feel like if I post there everyday, people will get mad. I'm not sure why I feel that way, but regardless, I do so I will use this blogspot.

I don't plan for this to be like most article-type fashion blogs and I am going to do my best to keep it that way for the most part. I prefer to use humor and comedy to keep readers interested, that is of course, if you can handle a fair amount of cynicism and bluntness (which could be mistaken for offensiveness which I am also o.k. with).

I would also love feedback. At the end of this post I will add my direct email address along with my twitter url so that you can all send me anything you would like me to discuss, make fun of, answer actual fashion-related questions, etc. I would love for you to send me pictures that you are mean enough to take of people who are committing fashion crimes. Just don't let that person catch you doing this, because I'm not driving you to the hospital when you get your ass kicked, sorry. But let's face it, this is what camera's were installed in phones for. On the other hand, send me pictures of anyone you see with what you feel is a dope outfit. Believe me, I'll tell you if I think you're out of your mind. I'd really like this to be heavily interactive. So please help me do this with your participation.

Fear not, I have credibility here. I am a student at The Academy of Art University with a major in Fashion Design and a minor in Fashion Journalism. I have drowned myself in the pleasures of the fashion world since I was a little lady. It remains my biggest passion in life. So at 25 years old, I made the major decision of dropping the more "practical" career I was pursuing to go after my dream head-on. I research and study designers from couture to local artists, runway shows, any type of fashion related visual creations you can imagine. I also have VERY diverse fashion interests. Anything from Salvatore Ferrigamo to Obey and EVERYTHING in between. Try me.

On the journalism/writing side of things, I have been writing since I was taught how to put pencil to paper and form words. I have written songs for bands, for my own music, written stories, blogs, articles, poetry, etc. It happens to be another thing I am very passionate about.

So I'll leave this first post as an introduction of myself and where I will put links to my email and twitter accounts. Starting tomorrow, I will begin to unleash havoc of the opinions that have been waiting to burst out of my skull for the past oh, 25 years?

EMAIL: HeatherPoitras1022@yahoo.com

TWITTER: www.twitter.com/HeatherSkills

>HeatherSkills